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SPEED-DATING: THE GOOD, THE BAD, & THE CRAZY

An excerpt from:

EXPEDITED LOVE: A BOOK ON SPEED-DATING

by Invincible Victoria

THE GOOD, THE BAD, & THE CRAZY

Chances are if you signed-up for speed-dating already, you’re down with the idea. But there are plenty of people I know who should be getting involved and putting themselves in a position other than being bent over a computer screen. So for you (yes you!) who believes there’s a serial killer in the room, this next chapter is for you!  
THEY SAY THE PRETTY ONES ARE CRAZY: WHAT IF THEY ARE SERIAL KILLERS

My mother’s disapproval of attending such events led to a conversation. She brought up an excellent point about crazies in the room. She said, “How do you know you’re not sitting across from a serial killer?!”  Say what?! Then she continued, “…after all, Ted Bundy was charming, charismatic, and … (drumroll) … handsome?!…. “

Really?! I’m writing about serial killers at a speed-dating event?! This is what my book has been reduced to?! I refuse! Or so I thought.

When I posted this topic for feedback on my Facebook feed (you can find me at @InvincibleVictoria) believing it would be wildly amusing, surprisingly it garnered approving responses from many of my lady friends who felt the same as my mother. I was pretty much shocked at their curiosity and similar train of thought. Jokingly I told my mother she would probably get friend requests after I tried to sell her out and – she did! (uhg!)

Logically speaking, I felt it necessary to entertain the thought serial killers exist in this setting and to share perspective about what seems to now be a legitimate concern. So, I had to ask myself, ‘if I were a serial killer, would I hang out in a group of people, with my name, contact information, and a list of other names of everyone I’ve met that night on record so that everything was traceable and in a database? Would I chance being video recorded and taking selfies with people I just met? Nothing is foolproof but that’s a lot of extra effort to go through for a serial killer. Especially since there’s no instant gratification here and most everyone tells someone they’re going to a speed-dating event. (Or at least they should.)

 

This set-up is even worse for male serial killers looking to isolate their victims because girls go in packs. The forensic sketch artists would have a field day drawing the same guy over and over and over again from all the different events. I think we all watched a little too much CSI, Law & Order, and Criminal Minds. Like for real!

I’m pretty sure there’s not much traceable information from all the general networking events you’ve attend in the past decade, is there? Yet, you’re still here… right?

I’m not a serial killer so I can’t say for sure however, in the history of ever, the only information I can find on serial killers and speed-dating events (as I mentioned earlier) is a twisted theater in LA that created a real event where people dressed up in theatrical gore for a performance and speed-dating event combined. So… I’m just saying.

 

A NOTE FOR THE SERIAL KILLER IN THE ROOM

Dear Mister / Miss Serial Killer,

If you’re looking for your next victim … you’ll have to wait it out. This isn’t an ideal setting for you. Study your predecessors because speed-dating is much too much of a process. There’s no instant gratification here. Worse, the suspect list (and police) will be coming straight to you. You’d only get one good kill in before a pattern emerged making this a really bad venue for that sort of thing. Find somewhere else to be. (Or, a better idea! Stop being a serial killer. It doesn’t help the world or your soul. It’s kinda a really terrible thing).

Sincerely,

Invincible Victoria

#JustMyThoughts

EXPEDITED LOVE

WHY ARE YOU HERE & NOT ONLINE?

In a completely non-scientific experiment of asking people their feelings about speed-dating and if they’d be open to it, more often than not was a wrinkle of the nose followed by questioning why anyone would do this in today’s world with so many technology apps available to do the same thing. Ironically, these are also the same people who end up attending because so much time was wasted online.  Additionally, paying to attend an event weeds out the broke people and the phonies looking for online emotional intimacy and not real-life intimacy.

Some people, just like you, enjoy real human connection. It’s hard to be intuitive, engaged, and give undivided attention on an app. Additionally, it’s not really that much fun to fall in love with your computer screen. There’s something missing..

 

Attraction is an art form. It’s not always instant but, it can be created. Ever seen that 300-pound dude with the beautiful blonde? How do you think that happened? Hint: It’s not always money!

Not everything is on a physical level. There is definitely something to be said for emotional and spiritual connection.

 

In the same way, unlike Match.com, PlentyofFish, and other online sites where you fill out a profile, throw up a few pictures, and answer a series of questions with answers you think others want to hear to make you more desirable and then base a series of carefully crafted fantasy and emotional-intimacy laced emails to one another that have been edited, thought-through, and filtered (or worse, not filtered!). Speed-dating cuts to the chase and presents an in-person opportunity with someone who is asked to respond to you in real-time. Finally! True-colors get shown!

Social Apps can be frustrating and time-sucking with endless chatter that goes nowhere, or filled with constant buildups and letdowns which I call the hidden side-effects of technology-based dating programs.

No one wants to read endless resumes at work to find the next candidate for the position the same way no one wants to read millions of profiles only to learn in person after months of anticipation there’s a vibe that doesn’t fit with the rest of the tribe.

So, if you think getting ready for countless Tinder dates and dropping enormous amounts of time, money, and energy on people who don’t pan out is over-rated and exhausting, then you’re going to love having all your potential hopefuls lined up in the same room!

 

Besides, I think there’s a much higher probability of meeting serial killers on Tinder and online-dating sites with fake profiles and names and identities where you feel safe sharing intimate details about your life with this false idea of safety. Online dating in reality means people can find your location, lure you with emotional intimacy, and pretend to be someone they’re not right in front of you. [Really, a picture on a profile is all we need to believe who someone is? Hmm…]

 

It’s true technology changed the way we date. Yet, here we are openly trusting of others who could be collecting data about us to share with strangers who have the ability to approach us with a friendly smile at any given time anywhere in the world. Note: Collecting public info online and then sending the right kind of charmer to talk to their victim and to emotionally manipulate people based on the info they already have on hand from social media is how human trafficking and our children and teenagers get taken! So, be aware!!!!!!!! It can happen to teenage boys the same as teenage girls. It can happen to the single mom with pictures of her kids with perpetrators looking for women with children they can exploit. It can happen. If nothing else, remember this for the people you care about. In person, there’s a vibe. Online, all guards are down on account of false security.
Perhaps it’s time to get back to the basics. Back to real life. Back to face-to-face interaction.

The best part about face-to-face interaction is that you can feel the awkwardness, uneasiness, or the good vibes instantaneously. Our bodies respond naturally to others energy, spirit, and physical presence.

Be in-tune. Stay in control. 

Ready to by the book? https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07JX4S75W

XoXo

-I*V  (InvincibleVictoria.com)

 

So, are you ready to find love that fits? ….Uncover what you truly want verses what you think you want? ….and acknowledge the blocks and self-sabotage keeping you from what you desire most?

Would you like to move from feeling like you’re attracting the crazies to attracting someone who’s ready for what you have to offer when it comes to dating & relationships!

I work with women just like you helping you to gain clarity about the real deal dating challenges you’re facing and not succumb to self-limiting beliefs. I think it’s time to discover the lies you may be telling yourself keeping you from happiness and understand your personal blocks to gain clarity on patterns keeping you from finding love that fits the lifestyle you wish to enjoy…

Visit me online at InvincibleVictoria.com for more details or Book a Consultation today! Because isn’t it time you find the confidence you need to know you are in control of sex, love, and rock n’ roll …. and always have been! Look for my 90-Min Intensive! It comes complete with a personalized Blueprint which is yours to keep and you can go back to it time and time again to make sure when you meet someone, you will have everything you need to navigate making sure you’re getting what you want for you! – XoXo -I*V

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Dating & Mating: Be Open

Be Open – by Invincible Victoria

Dating and exploration no longer seem to take place. It’s problematic.

Instead, dating has becomes a multitude of checked boxes and lists of expectations that meet little compromise. [That’s if it even gets that far due to the miscommunication of text messaging gone wrong…]

be open

We pretend to know our true self when reality is, all of who we are has been influenced by our past, including past relationships, and the needs we seek to fulfill at present time.

Be open. Be kind to yourself. And be kind to others.

Don’t limit opportunities to be there for another person.

Don’t try to control the process.

Go with the flow.

Sharing who you are is not something to be compiled through text exchanges or emails. Telephone conversations and in person make for the best connection.

Yes, write your love story but write it with your voice, your inflections, your tone. Write it when they can feel your presence in the room.be open 2.jpg

Things that can be copy and pasted are not authentic.

Engage with people.

Hold out to share in person things you wish to make known. Build excitment and conversation for when you meet.

She doesn’t need to know you’re horny right now and he doesn’t need to know what you had for breakfast.

No more status updates.

Set boundaries.

Stop oversharing.

Let there be mystery and intrigue… Otherwise, you will find rather than being in the midst of a dating adventure, you are just a person in an interview checking off a list of attributes you do and don’t like about them and vice versa. Food for thought. – I*V #InvincibleVictoria #IV

Isn’t it time to start having fun in your dating life and get back on track?!

It’s your turn to get what you want for you!

Are you ready to find love that fits? uncover what you truly want verses what you think you want? and acknowledge the blocks and self-sabotage keeping you from what you desire most?

Would you like to move from feeling like you’re attracting the crazies to attracting someone who’s ready for what you have to offer when it comes to dating & relationships!

I work with women just like you helping you to gain clarity about the real deal dating challenges you’re facing and not succumb to self-limiting beliefs. I think it’s time to discover the lies you may be telling yourself keeping you from happiness and understand your personal blocks to gain clarity on patterns keeping you from finding love that fits the lifestyle you wish to enjoy…

Visit me online at InvincibleVictoria.com for more details or Book a Consultation today! Because isn’t it time you find the confidence you need to know you are in control of sex, love, and rock n’ roll …. and always have been! Look for my 90-Min Intensive! It comes complete with a personalized Blueprint which is yours to keep and you can go back to it time and time again to make sure when you meet someone, you will have everything you need to navigate making sure you’re getting what you want for you! – XoXo -I*V

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SEX v. MEDITATION, Which is Right for You? Are you sure?

Sex v. Meditation, Which is Right for You? – by Invincible Victoria

If you’re into meditation and trying to reach Nirvana (a state of extreme bliss) but happen to be too high energy, ADD, or otherwise find it nearly impossible to let your mind quiet long enough to make it to this transcendental state, having an orgasm may be the answer to your meditative woes. Horray! That’s exciting. Who knew?!

For those of us who simply like to enjoy sexual experiences, what does Nirvana have to do with rockin’ out between the sheets? Ummm, apparently everything!

nirvana 3.jpg
Photo Credit: TheRachelRoss.Com blog

Allow me take you on a little known secret about the hidden adventure behind a sexually induced dopamine trip.

According to WebMD, it turns out the reasons why Orgasms feel so good is because four quadrants of the brain near completely shut down…and check out which ones!

  • 1 Fear
  • 2 Behavior Controls
  • 3 Anxiety

.. and my personal favorite …

  • 4 Judgment  (I think we all figured this one out!)

As dopamine rushes to the brain from all the pleasure senses your body is feeling, bliss overwhelms until the Big O is achieved.  Up to 10 seconds of extreme bliss for men and 20 seconds for women. Then  Poof! It’s gone! Round two anyone?

According to Dr. Oz, like exercise, during sex our cortisol levels (which is a chemical our body produces responsible for stress) increase initially and then decrease shortly thereafter bringing stress levels down. Meditation however immediately works towards lowering cortisol producing the same end-result without the physical exertion. There’s no stress involved…unless of course you get stressed thinking about how to not think – which for me is completely plausible.

If the point of meditation is to reach a state of being where fears, worry, anxiety, decisions, and thoughts dissipate then sex may be a hidden short-cut producing the same effect. But, which is right for you?Young man meditating on rock by sea

After all, one takes nearly a few minutes to achieve and others years to find a good partner. By that I mean it’s pretty easy to find someone to get-off on if you find you know your body well. But, it can take years to find someone who can lead a really great meditation session and worse, once you find them, it’s up to your mind to calm down long enough to get into the groove.

So, does your need for instant gratification overtake your desire to put forth energy to relax? What is it you are truly looking to gain out of either experience? Are you wanting to not feel alone? To get centered? To find pleasure? Or simply seeking Happiness? … and why?

Aside from a quick fix to de-stress, in the long-term, sex can create bonds with people we fancy, work towards building a family, help us feel human and connected, and offers an immediate release of hormones that need to be exerted (especially for women) to give us a reboot to happy. But, what if we can’t find it or don’t have access to the good sex we crave? Is meditation a good alternative if it produces the same results? Or do we just need to hit the gym?cortisol

Meditation, like an orgasm, is a form of extreme release and mental reboot. The mindful part of meditation however, is it rids your central data system (the brain) of all thoughts that are not serving you your highest good cleaning out your thought files so-to-speak. However, it takes time and may lead to consciousness of suppressed emotions, working through painful moments, and forgiving oneself and others to release negative blocks and self-limiting beliefs. Mediation is self-healing and gets stagnant energy moving. It is the ultimate weight-lifting experience. Perhaps it’s safe to say meditation is a strengthening exercise for your mind…

We already know sex can be a great workout which is an added bonus.  (And no, anything under 7 minutes doesn’t count!) It’s pretty hard to say no to killing two birds with one lay… I mean, stone. The fact our orgasms literally allow our brains to finally shut down and shut up – even if only temporarily in itself is reason enough to hop in the sack. Isn’t that the point? But, if orgasm isn’t achieved, we’re not getting the complete reboot we had our heart (..errr mind..) set on. And that seems a wasted effort if you ask me.

Additionally, sex may come with an undesirable aftermath if we’re bed hopping, post-traumatic break-up, have confidence issues, or in rocky unstable relationships. Fun bedroom experiences leaves women with (a lot!) more thinking to do. Which defeats the purpose – doesn’t it?

I mean, here’s all the extras a woman thinks of: question-mark-black-and-pink

  • Was it good sex? Was it bad? question-mark-black-and-pink
  • Do you like the person you slept with? Does it even matter?
  • Do you stay? Should you go?
  • What does he think of you now? Why does that matter? You don’t care. Or do you?
  • How awkward is breakfast going to be?
  • Was it angry sex with lots of tension built up? Or was it romantic in nature?
  • Is this only a one-time thing?
  • Do you already regret the escapade?
  • Do you leave your number or ask him never to call?
  • Did one of you finish but, not the other?
  • Are you connected to the person or did it feel like a chore?
  • Did you wake up in love? How did you feel afterward?
  • Was there cuddling involved? (FYI: When cuddling is involved you have a new set of issues if you’re guy isn’t the commitment type and you are.)

Like cocaine, sugar, pot, caffeine, and other legal and illegal substances used to control our brain’s energy and output levels, sex can do the same. Two to four weeks after sex, a woman’s body goes through sexual deprivation. The body craves what you feed it. Depravation leads to (often false) romantic feelings simply trying to get your body another fix. So, be forewarned.

Similarly, like eating healthy, working towards sculpting a fabulously in shape body, or moving slowly in romantic relationships – the things that we have to consciously work towards take longer to master. In sum, meditation is a process that takes effort. But, when done correctly meditation is focused on consciously clearing the mind and allowing yourself to sink into your subconscious to clear the clutter behind the scenes too for the long-haul.

If you’re feeling isolated and alone, the last place you want to be is stuck in your head in order to find your “happy spot” however, self-love is always in order. So don’t fret if you’ve got sex on your mind and want some instant gratification to fix your happy.  Meditation is like masturbation for the soul. Check out this song! Love it! “I Love Me” by HAIZ (only 163 million views on YouTube!) Rock on chicky! You got this! – I*V  xoxo

 

MORE INFO: 

Are You or Someone You Know in Need of a crash course in Confidence & Self-Love? Do you want to feel more powerful in your everyday to simply be who you are and let your soul illuminate?  A little bit of guidance from someone who’s been there along with some serious positivity may be just what it to help you get what you want for you! Book with Confidence Trainer & Relationship Coach Invincible Victoria for a preview session and get back on track to owning your life! Your first session is only $45 for 30 minutes or $75 for an hour to see preview what your life will look like as a brand new more confident, more radiant you!

Get the Self-Love You Need! Book online at: InvincibleVictoria.com  Do it now! Yes! You Can! It’s so simple! Learn to love you! [Skype & Telephone Sessions available.]

 

 

 

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In a World Full of Pretenders, Rock Your Soul

In a World Full of Pretenders, Rock Your Soul – by Invincible Victoria

Shouldn’t we be amazed at the fakeness of people rather than surprised by a person’s authenticity? That’s not the story of humanity in the world we live in is it? Our version of normal has left the stratosphere and it seems everyone is trying to stuff themselves in a box of acceptance. As a relationship expert here’s what I have to say, “f*that!” The most important relationship you will ever have is the relationship you have with yourself.

It’s time to rock your soul.   rock-your-soul

If you were meant to be stuffed in a box, you would have been  Continue reading “In a World Full of Pretenders, Rock Your Soul”

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Sex for Men: Practical Health Tip #5 for Peak Sexual Performance

Take Turns Playing Tops & Bottoms – by Invincible  Victoria

Tip #5 for Peak Sexual Performance

Stay Connected During Sex

To recap 5 Practical Health Tips for Peak Sexual Performance: It’s imperative to workout (even if it’s a jog around the block) and build stamina, stretch, practice activities that make you agile, and to be playful and smile every now and again in the bedroom. Now for the last but not least most passionate part of peak sexual performance: Stay connected.

tops-and-bottoms

Have you ever had a really amazing massage from a spa? If so, you will notice the person you enjoyed the most probably never removed his/her hands from you completely at any time throughout the hour /hour and a half session. It may go unnoticed however, the body knows when it feels abandoned or disconnected. There is something insanely

Continue reading “Sex for Men: Practical Health Tip #5 for Peak Sexual Performance”

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Love Thoughts: Poke the Bear

Poke the Bear – by Invincible Victoria

Relationships that tend to last are ironically (and comically) the ones no one saw coming. The ones that make zero sense. They happen to be against all odds type of people that somehow make it to the long-term.

It’s interesting how two people who were adversley irritated with one another somehow end up falling in love and into a romantic relationship. Life is fun like that.

This phenomenon happens because from the very begining both parties are being genuine, authentic, and real. They aren’t hiding anything. In fact, they are more open about everything as if to say, “go away, see how much we don’t have in common?!! You’re annoying!”

I mean, if you don’t like someone, what’s the harm in making it known and being your true self? Right?

The beauty in these off-beat unintended relationships is you get to see who people really are. Most of the time the two weren’t even looking to date. It just happens. 

poke the bear

Relationships that start out with romanticized ideals of love, longing, and affection get misconstrued and convoluted over frustrating aspects of dating such as: expectations, sex, hope for intimacy, and commitment.

Love is hard to come by when everyone is playing nice nice, trying not to cross boundaries, and you aren’t seeing real. This is why it is much easier for women to date assholes. There’s full awareness of what you’re getting. If you know he’s an asshole, you’re fully aware of what you signed up for. Same with psycho chicks.

When it comes to procedural dating (the kind where intentions are set and two people take the time with romantic intentions to know one another), every now and again, be it intentional or accidental someone in the preliminary stages of getting to know you will push too hard or too far and get an unsolicited response they didn’t realize they truly wanted.  In an upside down world, I call this Poke the Bear.

As antagonistic as it seems (and it is) sometimes poking the bear shows us exactly what we need to know about the other person.

How do they respond to stress?

Can they stand up for themselves?

Are they pushovers?

Do they feel the need to be authentic in their true feelings in return? Or do they hide in the shadows of diplomacy?

Will they apologize or admit any wrong doing? Or place blame?

Do they fight fair? Do they try to put themselves in someone elses shoes?

Do they continue on and on or bow out gracefully?

First arguments are difficult. Especially in preliminary dating stages.

Pushing someones buttons deliberatly simply to see how someone will respond is truly NOT okay. However, it happens more often than not in unhealthy relationships. How buttons get pushed and boundaries crossed is important to make note of. That being said, even in healthy relationships playful banter or prodding questions is going to cross a line and happen at some point. It’s less about provoking at that moment and more about the fact someone has genuinely had enough and stops being fake and starts being real. 

That’s when you know you have authenticity.

It may come across as insensitive, cruel, irritating, immature, or otherwise less than diplomatic (regardless of being the poker or the bear) however, when situations escalate and someone finally says what they are thinking, it is an opporrunity to learn something about one another. Not neccessarily to give up but, to take note that if you want to be in that person’s life on the regular an adjustement in behavior needs to be made.

Always proceed with caution. If someone makes you truly feel uncomfortable, it’s time to disengage. Move on. There’s 6 Billion people in the world and a Universe of abundance ready to grant your desire. Never settle but be open to the possibilities. Use your intuition…and try not to poke the bear unneccissarily. It creates too much drama.

#DramaFreeRelationshipsRock

-I*V

Welcome to the Best Relationship Expert Advice on Dating, Mating, Love & Relationships You Will Ever Get!

FeaturedWelcome to the Best Relationship Expert Advice on Dating, Mating, Love & Relationships You Will Ever Get!

You need an expert opinion. You want to know what’s going on in your relationships. You want to fix your life. You want better sex. You want to figure out the relationship you’re in. You want quality dates. You want to not get involved with a psychopath. Continue reading “Welcome to the Best Relationship Expert Advice on Dating, Mating, Love & Relationships You Will Ever Get!”

31 Strange Things to Do if You’re Single on Valentines Day

31 Strange Things to Do if You’re Single on Valentines Day – by Invincible Victoria

Remember being a kid and reading stories where you get to choose your alternate-ending? Well, today is the day you get to choose your alternate-ending and find a story that fits! Horray! Isn’t that refreshing?love-on-pexels

In the land of singledom, recently broken-hearted, or too over-it to care, here are a few things you can do on Valentine’s day to bring love into your life since Cupid’s arrow has been missing the mark. Be it self-love or finding romance, you’re sure to find a memory to treasure if you take a time out to focus on you.

31 Strange Things to Do if You’re Single on Valentine’s Day:

  1. Head to Your favorite restaurant (yes, even if it’s Chipotle) or to the Riverside – Talk to people around you. Enjoy being who you are in your fav place. You never know who you could meet. At least you will know you have something in common! People find you where you are. Be open.
  2. A Valentine’s Day Speed Dating Event – There are plenty of people who are justifiably single. Don’t be judgmental or nervous. Some people you’ll like, some you won’t. Take a deep breath and relax. Have fun… and don’t take it so seriously! Just breathe! The best time to meet someone is when you’re not trying. So, don’t try. Just be you!
  3. Schedule a Massage – Be it with a group of friends or on your own. Do the crazy self-love indulgence and once you’re relaxed, indulge in clean eating. Don’t worry! It’s just for the day. But today is about loving yourself, not chocolate. So, do whatever it is you don’t normally do and feel how good it feels!spa
  4. Head out with friends to the touristy or quaint area in your town– You’re never going to meet someone all cooped up unless the end of your driveway happens to be the most happenin’ sidewalk on the planet. And no, playing on Tinder in your jammies while posting old photos of you dressed to impress doesn’t count.
  5. Speaking ofGo Tinder Hunting with Friends  -Here’s a fun game! Go to a fairly entertaining area in your city where there’s fun things to do and set your Tinder acctinder-pic-2ount to the lowest radius while you’re out and about and go Tinder Hunting with your besties. Never know if you make a match! You’re safe and it’s Valentine’s Day. What married person or schmuck with a significant other is going to be out and about solo on Valentine’s? It’s a great time to meet a truly single-someone. [DO NOT DO THIS ALONE!!!!!!!!!!]
  6. If you’re flying solo and prefer low key, head to the park with a great book and cup of joe, bring your pup (if you have one) and play Frisbee – Embrace the beauty of self-love and being out in the open. Be available to letting the Universe bring you what you’re looking for. Be open.
  7. Grab some friends or single co-workers, visit an art gallery and laugh over how expensive art that looks like it was created by a kindergartener is or head to a rock show – Enjoy the experience of being with friends who are also alone on Valentine’s Day and let go of expectations of the night and of your life. Simply be in the moment…gallery
  8. Go on a River Cruise – They’re everywhere and enchanting. Learn stories about the couples around you and perhaps you will find you and your friends aren’t the only single people alive.
  9. Head to Vegas! – The heart-beat of fun! The city… the lights… you are sure to find lots of adventure in that city.SONY DSC
  10. If you can’t make it there, stay in a nice hotel near you – and pamper yourself. Don’t forget to order room service!  – Single people with real jobs tend to travel. No one likes to be alone on Valentines Day. Including the traveling working class.
  11. Can’t afford to stay? Visit the lounge areas in a posh hotels or find your way into their pools – You don’t have to stay but, that’s where to meet many people. Look for wedding rings and don’t be swayed. But otherwise, it’s still a great meeting place to entertain engaging conversations. You’re not the only one traveling solo these days.
  12. Take a sabbatical backpacking through a foreign county or grab a staycation adventure camping with friends. – There’s lots of people to meet. Being under the stars away from the city is a perfect way to reconnect with thoughts of love – and re-centering your life to get what you want for you. Processed with VSCOcam with q5 preset
  13. Go to an Open Mic night. – Sure they sound silly and filled with over-emotional beings but, I will never forget the man who recited T.S. Elliot to me. We are still friends 5 years later. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought “what if” at least a dozen times since meeting him. The thing is, we love to glamourize rockstars and artists and celebrities but, the celebrities are sitting right in front of us if we give it half a chance. Be open.
  14. Smile at Everyone and Anyone (but be safe about it). – Watch how contagious smiles become. cake-pop
  15. Bake Cupcakes & Attach Hand-written Messages of Love – Pass them out to strangers and watch the world light up around you.  Men can do this too.
  16. Spread Words of Love – Take the day to verbally offer sincere love and kindness to everyone. Release all the negativity you have about your personal circumstance and give as many compliments as you can. (This includes cynical co-workers and people you otherwise don’t jive with well.) This is a truly effective way to open your own heart along with the hearts of others. Men, this is a great opportunity to tell a woman she is beautiful. There’s a chance the women you encounter today haven’t heard that from anyone in a long long time.
  17. Spend time in nature. – Take a trip to the beach, the mountains, or head riverside. People searching for love that don’t want to feed into the mess of Valentine’s Day disasters are hiding today. Find yourself and find them in the places you also go to escape.
  18. Head to a Sporting Event with Friends – Why not? It’s okay if you prefer ballet. This is about trying something new. Be it a little league, high-school football game or something in the professional arena, find something that resonates and go for it!
  19. Visit the Elderly – Spend some time in a nursing home and bring your smiles along with you. Lots of decent people visit their families on holidays and don’t want loved ones to be alone on Valentine’s. That single gal or guy who came to see their mom, might be a safe bet they are someone worth seeing again.
  20. elderly-2Spend time with Charities that are Meaningful to You – This could be volunteering to feeding the homeless, bring valentines gifts for Big Brother / Big Sister associations or to an Orphanage, reading to children, building something with Habitat for Humanity elderlyor finding somewhere that brings hope to your life. There are countless ways to get involved. Being with the vulnerable allows one to remember to reconnect with all facets of life. There is a story beyond ours. That is where romance is. Learning and connecting. You never know who you will meet along the way or how you can affect someone in a profound way.
  21. Book a Flight to Anywhere – See what adventure awaits. See the sights. Stay for the day. Then come back home. You don’t even have to book a hotel room. Leave it to your intuition and chance. Let the Universe plan out a place for you to go that will bring you closer to love (even if it’s self-love). Lonely hearts are everywhere. city
  22. Ask-A-Friend  – if they know anyone new you could meet and if they’d like to do a double date or head out as a group. Self-promotion matters. Let people know  you are on the hunt and be open to letting new experiences in. You don’t have to sleep with someone or intend to marry them. But there’s nothing wrong with a night out and meeting someone new.
  23. Head to Dave & Busters (an arcade), a Casino Cruise or A Gaming Pub – The point is, take a gamble and have fun! Be it you are winning tickets or money, it’s a win-win if you’re having fun. Besides, where there is winning, there is a lady-luck to be found. There is a place in East Orlando that caters to Lord of the Rings, Game of Thrones and Dungeons and Dragons. It may not be the best place for a full grown adult but, they have food and craft beers. It’s a perfect place to snag some nerdy folks who may dig what you’re into. Besides, I think we all have a bit of a nerdy side. I know I do!
  24. Throw a ‘Happy Singles Valentines Day’ Party. Ask each person to invite one more single person. No couples allowed! – Have festive drinks available and make it fun. If you’re anti-Valentine day you can play horror movies instead. (Yes, me and my son have been known to do this!) If you’re trying to create an atmosphere to set the mood for love, pick a theme like Sinatra and have the music playing and old movies from the era in the background. Hint: You can do this for your kids friends too! Not the horror movie part but kids who’s parents are going out or older kids who are in the awkward stage of feeling left out on Valentine’s Day.
  25. Offer to watch kiddos for your married or newly dating friends – in exchange they are to pass your number along to a potential someone or with the understanding they have to be your wingman for a single’s night on the town in return. petals
  26. Take your Children on a V-Day Date & Create a Memory. – If you have kiddos, you already know children spell love T-I-M-E. So, instead of sulking, spend time with them, ask them what they think the perfect Valentine’s Day would be and do that instead. Remember they grow up fast. I’m an avid believer in dating your kids. Father/Daughter or Mother/Son dances are always an option.
  27. Go Sky-Diving or do something Adventurous – like visiting a Theme park and ride rollercoasters.
  28. Glow-in-the- Dark Mini-Golf! – I know it sounds crazy but, a lot of people look better in the dark! What’s not to love about connecting with someone in the dark only to figure out once an emotional connection is made if they still look good with the lights on?  Go with friends, have a great time and don’t expect anything to come of it. But do remember, life is better when you’re living it!
  29. Go to the gym and eat chili-dogs with your bestie while you watch everyone else work out. – Why not? There’s bound to be some hotness there and if they’re cute, you can always run in and pretend you were just getting started on the treadmill. lol!
  30. Craft-Cocktail Bar Hopping with Friends – Play a game with your friends and challenge one another to get as many numbers, Facebook Likes, or Instagram followers as you can. Be a wingman for one another and say things like, “See that girl over there…” or, “see that guy over there,” and then make a move. Make it a fun social experiment. You never know when the real connection will take place and you are just having fun. (Caution: Never exchange social media profiles if you have locator on or any revealing information about your work or where you live.)bar
  31. Visit a Swingers Club. – It could be fun.. or it could remind you why being single is better. 🙂 Participation is not required (ever). It could however, remind you why Valentines Day alone with Netflix isn’t as bad as it once seemed.

Happy Valentine’s Day to Be to all my Single Peeps! Don’t sweat the small stuff. The Universe doesn’t make mistakes, we do. If nothing else, be open. I know I said it a million times in one post but, truth is there is a world of possibilities when you stop making excuses and start getting involved in the business of life! XoXo – Happy Hunting! – I*V

Are you ready for love? Want to figure out what’s going on in your dating game? Create your Blueprint for Love with me, Invincible Victoria and identify self-limiting beliefs and self-sabotage versus reality! It’s your turn to get what you want for you! You can find me at InvincibleVictoria.com or HealthyMindHealthyYou.com Oh! And check out my new e-book ExpeditedLove, a guide to finding Love on Amazon!

See you there!!!

– Invincible Victoria

 

 

Are you Constantly Inside Your Significant Other’s Head Trying to Figure Out Your Relationship Status? These 3 Things Will Get Your Relationship Where It Needs To Go! – XoXo I*V Invincible Victoria

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Do you spend an inordinate amount of time inside your significant other’s (S.O.) head? Are you constantly analyzing what they meant when they said this or that? Are you spending a significant amount of time asking yourself how they will react if you say what’s truly on your mind? Lastly, do you constantly question how he/she feels about you and/or the status of your relationship or where it’s headed?

How would it feel to calm those obsessive thoughts in need of assurance?  Remember your answer because you’re going to need it in a minute. 🙂

These 3 things will instantly eliminate the words that keep getting stuck in your throat and get your relationship where it needs to go to give you the peace of mind you truly need. A word of warning, be sure you’re ready for resolve and to move into getting the relationship you want for you!

1. Have the talk.  – Set time aside to share how you feel. I can guarantee if you use the words, “We need to talk,” everyone is going to cringe and run for the hills. However, if you simply ask for an important date night it may go over better.

Simply ask for the time in a non-threatening way. You might say something such as, “Hi, can we set aside some time this evening or maybe catch a bite? I have a few things I’d like to share… does 7pm @ our fav place work?”

The Set-Up for The Talk

“Hi, can we set aside some time this evening or maybe catch a bite? I have a few things I’d like to share… does 7pm @ our fav place work?”

Followed by, “Great! I’ll meet you there!

By saying this, you’re bound to have a better response than watching a S.O. run away, cancel the date at the last minute, or find some other way out because he/she is avoidant of talks that involve emotion. By following up with, “I’ll meet you there,” you’re also setting yourself up for success in case of fallout.

If you don’t take the time to talk, the problems remain. Resentment is built on silence. Contrary to popular belief, time doesn’t heal all wounds in the same way cancer doesn’t often go away of its own accord. Resentment is cancer. It spreads. It grows. It expands. And it keeps growing until someone breaks, forcing relationship chaos and potential endings.

Most of our snippy comments, attitude issues, and the little remarks that get made in a relationship are from built-up resentment. As tough as it seems – address the issue head on by having the talk. It’s actually less painful than holding on, and you can feel your throat relax where words once got caught.

Resentment is built on silence.

2. Use your questions as your guide.  Questioning the relationship is your intuition in search of clarity. Questioning how someone feels about you means there’s a need or desire not being met. It’s up to you to identify why you’re feeling the way you do. Is it a lack of communication? A difference in love language? Or is it something more?

Once you identify what is missing, you can address it clearly with your SO. If the other person is unable to respond with enthusiasm, a will to discuss the matter, or a desire and/or effort to meet your relationship “requirements” (because this need and want is in fact a requirement to put your mind at ease) then the relationship is not a good fit.

If you’re more afraid that someone will abandon you for sharing your feelings than you are of feeling secure that this is a relationship worth bringing your best (and most honest self) to the table for, then the relationship itself is likely not a good fit.

[Note: If you are repeatedly asking someone for the same thing over and over or having the same conversation, it’s time to get nitty gritty. Are you asking them to change, or clarifying what your needs are? If someone commits to meeting their SO’s needs but doesn’t follow-through, first time shame on them. Second time shame on them & YOU! Third time I’d call it a strikeout and be done. But that’s me and not you. Either way, if they can’t meet your needs you have two choices – change your needs (the worst choice) or find a relationship that can because you’re worth it!]

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3. Accept, acknowledge, and write down your fears. Trying to rationalize and understand why someone sucks is kind of silly. You feel a certain way and are reading this article for a reason. Because you know something is off and your intuition is telling you so. It’s time to listen. You can’t solve an emotional problem with logic the same way you can’t solve a math problem with love. Recognize your energy, your emotions and what you fear most if the person responds negatively to what you have to say.

Has someone you loved ever made you feel super good, they ask you about your day, and stop by just to see you for a few minutes. Do you spend days, months, countless hours in your head asking over and over and over again why they made you smile that day and what they meant by telling that joke or making you laugh? Most likely not.  Why? Because the relationship is reciprocal. So long as someone is consistent (maybe one or two bad days here or there but overall consistent) no one will question the relationship status.

See, people in healthy relationships already know where the other person stands because it’s mutual.  Energy feels good when things are in flow. So, take note. Questioning the relationship you’re in and where it’s headed for months on end means something may be off kilter to begin with. To sort through, take note and make a list of the worst thing that can happen if you talk openly about the issues you’re facing inside this relationship. If you feel the person is not as invested in you as you are in them, and they use words to smooth things over but actions don’t follow (and they aren’t remotely interested in the effort required to meet your needs or desires) then rest assured you can let go of the fear this relationship won’t work out because…. it’s already not working out! 

XoX

I*V

Invincible Victoria

Not sure about the relationship you’re in?  Want to work together and figure it out?

Book with me now and let’s get this party started! Find me @InvincibleVictoria.com 

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I help clients:

  • shift energy…
  • overcome self-sabotage…
  • have confidence (and feel sexy again)…
  • release self-limiting beliefs…
  • review the quality of the relationship they’re in…
  • identify relationship challenges and sort them from individual challenges…
  • work on effective communication  and how to get real answers from their S.O. rather than the answers they think they want to hear…
  • serve as a relationship coach who can help consult you on the status of your relationship and how to approach and respond to specific instances in the relationship you’re in…
  • how to help their S.O. overcome their own negativity and self-conscious mannerisms that push you away.

Would you like to talk about your relationship status, find confidence and security in the relationships you’re in, or understand what’s keeping you stuck? Work with me and let’s create your Blueprint to Love with an exclusive 90-Minute Intensive personalized and tailored especially for you!! Everyone deserves feel confident and secure in the relationships they’re in! Want more details? Visit the website and learn more about how I may be able to help you get what you want for you! InvincibleVictoria.com  🙂

See you there!

I*V

Women Ask, ‘Do Good Men Exist?’ Men Ask, ‘Do Women Even Want Love Anymore?’

Women frustrated in their love lives and stuck in relationships that aren’t working the way they’d hoped often ask me three things in this order:  

‘Do good men exist?’

‘Can men and women actually be together and it work out?’

‘Do men even want love?’

Naturally, this woman will then beg to understand her circumstance and often cast blame or use sarcasm to cover her pain. And yes, after the stories I’ve been privy to, it’s clear there’s no shortage of ill-equipped morons out there. I get it completely. (Yep! I sure do!)

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To the women who’ve given up and given in, who’ve thrown their hands in the air after countless social app and online dating mishaps, and to those who’ve decided altogether to check out after a relationships gone wrong… I offer you this:

Some of the greatest love stories ever written were written by men. They weren’t written to get laid or to impress some girl. They were stories born in an imagination longing on a quest to find the ultimate treasure – the gift of love.

What’s more, is out of every story they could have told, it was a story about love they wanted to tell. In these stories they found a place to belong, a family to call their own, often rescued a girl (who rescued him too) and / or found their best friend.

Call me a romantic (because I’m sure I am) but, in story form a man actually gets to live, and grow, make mistakes, grow some more, and still be the hero. He’s not told he’s not good enough, being compared to an ex, asked to change his entire personality, judged based on the money he makes, or trying to measure up to some other dude who did it better in the bedroom.bed-bedroom-blanket-1410227

I’m not saying we (as women) shouldn’t hold men accountable and have standards because we absolutely should! I’m also not saying we don’t have things to complain about or wish were different when it comes to love & relationships, the ways of the world, and human sexuality…. (my list is long!) …  However, I believe the fundamental part women get wrong is assuming we know what a man wants without asking details about him, his life, or his heart. How do you get to that point to truly ask and know? That’s where coaches can help. But this isn’t about me. This is about you.

     Men are the creators of a lot of great things in this world. Men have cured diseases, have fought for women’s rights, have taken care of children in the home (often that were not their own), and have brought us ice cream in the middle of the night. 

Some men have stood up for us against those we no longer wish to stand up to, given us strength when we thought we were about to end it all, and held us when we cried never asking for a thing in return. Some men believe in us until we believe in ourselves. I know so. (Because there is a man who did this for me – and that man is my best friend.)

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So, do good men exist? I believe so. Why aren’t you meeting them? I’d have to know you first and uncover what has been standing in your way. … and believe me, there are things standing in your way and yes, they can be removed… (I’m happy to chat with you about this.) Our upbringing, the media, social activities, friends, past relationships, and the places we’ve been all shape how we see romantic relationships. Heartbreak and past trauma predict a lot too.

Since shifting my energy and getting my heart back on track after a traumatic breakup and divorce 8 years ago, I personally am finding less and less of those type of men (who just want sex and fun – although I know those too!) and am meeting more and more men asking for help in finding someone who is real, sexy, and cool with a depth that he can come home to.

The questions men ask me are, ‘do women even want love anymore?’ ‘Are there even great women out there who are not only great but still have a place for men in their lives?’ Let’s face it. Women who rock are intimidating. That being said, the questions between men and women when it comes to finding love seem to be even keel.

In sum, great men are looking for you too! If that doesn’t bring you hope, what will?

XoXo – I*V Invincible Victoria

Would you like to talk about your dating situation and how to get on the road to love?

Book with me! InvincibleVictoria.com 

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I help clients:

  • shift energy
  • learn the dating process
  • have confidence
  • weed through B*S profiles and f*boys
  • enhance dating profiles & social apps
  • get offline and into the real world
  • serve as a dating coach who can help consult you on how to approach and respond to prospects
  • find love that fits!

I also offer the clients I choose to take on an exclusive 90-Minute Intensive to create a personalized Blueprint to Love! Check it out on my website InvincibleVictoria.com  🙂

See you there!

I*V

The EGO & The Break-up

Dear Ex,
Please review.
“The Ego is not who you really are. The ego is your self-image; it is the role you are playing. Your social mask thrives on approval. It wants control, and it is sustained by power because it lives in fear.” – Deepak Chopra
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Although you may want to send this to every ex you loved too much or gave your all to  (especially the narcissistic ones) the struggle gets tangled when you want to change someone else’s demeanor and not yourself.

Continue reading “The EGO & The Break-up”

Do friends who fall in love and get married stay there?

I think the real question is, do friends fall in love or just end up there?
Love is a bit of a mystery on its own. What is love anyway? And are there different phases, stages, or types of love? To complicate matters even more, when it comes to friendships turned into romantic relationships there’s a plethora of variables and background issues at play.
While I’m not going to answer all of those questions in one post, I can say if you don’t know where you stand in someone’s world, are searching to understand the relationship itself and where it can go from here, or are wondering how you’ve had such a great marriage/long-term commitment with someone but now you don’t feel the romantic component you once did – sorting fact from fiction may be a bit of a wild ride.
There’s nothing wrong with friends who marry. The issues arise when the foundation wasn’t right to begin with.
The ultimate friendship turned romantic experience comes with the a title – you’re besties. It’s the point where you know everything about one another and can finish each other’s sentences. You are together all the time and could write a novel about your relationship simply by printing out all your text messages. No matter if you two met in a fashion unrelated to dating, you both dig each other’s company so much you’re nearly inseparable.
There’s no insane chemistry but everything else is there. Besides, you feel totally happy and secure cuddled up on the couch together. It’s like they’ve always been there. If this is the case, of course there always is (and was) the chance …. to fall…
Being in love can be a beautiful thing but falling in love with our friends isn’t always the best case scenario if we did actually just fall there – (especially after a break-up).
Love should grow along with bonds. Familiarity and Convenience doesn’t make for best-case relationships. Would you be hurt if they found someone else? Or happy for them? What if the tables were turned? How you feel about these questions says a lot about your own heart and where you stand.
The most important components of any long-lasting relationship turned from friendship to romance are:
  • Trust – on the same page and same commitment level
  • Compatibility – wanting to build the same dream and inspire one another
  • Acceptance – both for one another’s being / an ability to be who you truly are
  • Attraction/Chemistry – an ability to be intimately connected at the soul level
If there’s no chemistry warm up phase will there ever be chemistry? Or just familiarity?
All relationships, including romantic ones, take time to build. But true romantic attraction and chemistry builds via intimacy and soul ties. Otherwise the relationship will always remain surface level. It is not something that can be explained. It can only be felt.
If chemistry and attraction is absent in your friendship turned romance turned marriage, when things become lackluster in your relationship and suddenly you (or they) start meeting other people outside of your relationship and feeling the heat or passion with others it creates confusion.
As human beings we can be incredibly lazy.  With exception to extremely competitive people, we like to take what’s in front of us rather than seek what we want.  Loneliness allows us to settle for comfort to avoid the sting of being alone rather than actively seek what we want and letting those in our lives who may not be suitable go.  However, that leads to some pretty non-happily-ever-after moments in the long-run. Feelings are going to get hurt one way or another. Bear this in mind: Do you want to find the right person, or are you settling for what feels good in the moment?
The reality is there was probably a lot going on surrounding your friendship when it started if romance was never part of your intention. Relationships happen but aren’t always intentionally created. You owe it to yourself to assess the situation and sort through the relationships you’re in. It’s up to you to decide what is and is not for you. But, make sure chemistry and romance is involved. Because if it’s not, the two of you will always be friends with benefits with an added ingredients: Commitment. House. Kids. Etc.
There’s no secret some marriages begin to lack the chemistry and the romantic connection it once had. While I’m not an advocate of divorce, I’m also not an advocate of staying in loveless, passionless marriages if the bonds necessary to keep together have eroded or – expired.
Not every relationship is forever and that’s the hardest lesson in life we will ever have to learn. It is selfish to expect that keeping someone stuck in their ongoing unhappiness (or keeping yourself there) is the right thing to do. Especially if children are involved.

Finding Love that Fits Starts with YOU!

Finding Love That Fits Starts with YOU! – By Invincible Victoria

When it comes to questioning the relationships you’re in or what you’re looking for when it comes to love, I have a few questions for you?

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Do you know who you are at the core of your existence? Do you have faith in yourself and in something bigger? Do you know that you were created with purpose and passion for a reason? And are you living with passion and purpose?

Do you trust you will get to where you’re going?

Have you already achieved your goals?

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Do you believe in the laws of Attraction or Universal Love/Guidance?

Do you love the skin you’re in? Do you appreciate others who like the skin they’re in?

Do you feel inferior to others? A higher standing than others? Equal to others?

How’s your overall confidence? In business… in dating… in life…..?

Is there a dream you have but aren’t working on? Did you already make it come true? Did anyone help you get there or did you build it on your own?

Do you trust yourself (and the decisions you make)? Do you trust the people around you?

Do you love and embrace who you are as the one and only – you? skin-youre-in

Before wondering where your happily-ever-after is, perhaps it’s worth it to check the list below and see where your core beliefs and personal mindsets take the stage:

  • Are you a forgiving person? Or someone who needs to be forgiven?
  • Are you surrounded by healthy relationships or ones filled with disappointment?
  • Do you feel worthy?
  • Do you feel sexy, desired, & beautiful/attractive?
  • Do others give you compliments and you fail to see what they are talking about?
  • Are you afraid of being vulnerable so you come off as insulting or disinterested in the people around you? Or are you openly helping people to feel secure in who they are?
  • Do you feel used for your money? Or sexuality? Or attractiveness? Or do you feel secure in the people you are with.
  • How’s your heart?
  • Are you in control of your emotions? Are you objective, responsive, or reactive?

What is your reality when you answer these questions? Are you able to answer them? What are the areas you need to work on?

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There’s a difference between being cocky and being confident.

Being cocky is trying to make others feel bad about who they are because you want to be seen in a higher standing than others. Being confident embraces feeling secure in who you are and helping others feel their self-worth and value while in your presence as well.

Getting to the person who is right for you has a lot to do with being the right person.  What do you truly have to offer? Are you looking to love, or to be loved? Because there’s a huge difference.

Please note: The word love in this sense is NOT interchangeable with the word sex. This is about relationships on an emotional level.

Looking for someone to love comes from strength and an unshakable ability to be who you are. It is an unspoken confidence that says, “here I am and this is what I have to offer.” Love from this standpoint says you understand what it is you are looking for and how you can enhance someone else’s life.

Looking for someone to love from this perspective is not based on needing someone to help with bills, dry your tears, or help with the things you don’t know how to handle. This doesn’t mean all those things won’t happen along the way but, it does mean you aren’t looking for someone to save you.

Hoping for someone to come along and play happy family and help raise children isn’t a great idea either (even though this is a very much sought after flag of truce in the dating world).

Looking for someone to love us is a set-up for failure. It’s a need for validation, understanding, and not wanting to feel isolated and alone in who we are. The truth is, you – and only you – can love you the way you deserve.

If you mix up the processes of love by finding someone to love you before you love yourself, you will always be seeking validation and approval from their perspective. (Essentially, you become who they need you to be). This isn’t good for anyone involved.

The perception we have about ourselves creates our reality and attracts people to us. Including people who are wrong for us. Trying to save someone before you can save yourself is a recipe for a sinking ship. You are not the Titanic. Believe in being the best version of who you are – always. No matter who that person is. mean girls.jpg

“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to be yourself.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

Love Yourself. Love God. The rest falls into place.

Finding love that fits starts with YOU!

So, are you in great relationships? Relationships that suck? Or are your constantly at war with yourself? Want to overcome the fear and anxiety and become fearlessly kickass & beautiful in the skin you’re in? Then join me! Learn more and click here! 

If you find you’re plenty okay with who you and love yourself but something is off in your relationships, or it feels like you can’t meet the needs of those who love you, then click here.

XoXo -I*V

 

 

Happy February 15th! National Singles Awareness Day!

People love to make a scene and complain about singledom but, why?! Is it because we crave having someone at our beck and call? Is it the instant gratification? Or perhaps we secretly desire more honey-do lists because taking care of ourselves, our work teams, our finances, and our children was never truly enough stress on its own. Yes, I understand having a warm body next to you and someone who cares if you’ve gone missing may have its highlights. Sure, I get it. I mean, it’s human nature. However, I find there are so many more reasons to indulge in Single status than ever before. It’s called Liberation!

Sure your heart was ripped from the depth of your soul and tossed into shark infested waters. But, other than that there’s so many reasons to celebrate this new found situation.

On National Single-Awareness Day, let’s take a moment to reflect on all the possibilities:

  • Bae isn’t texting you 24/7. Finally peace and quiet. It’s like meditating without the meditation!

 

  • It doesn’t matter if you’re late, no one is going to say jack diddly sh*t about it. You knew you would get there when you got there… and you did! A reason alone to celebrate being single!

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  • There’s no evil glances from significant others about going out, making plans, or how much fun you might have fun. We all know in relationships there’s a threshold of fun you’re allowed before the one who got left home gets mad. No more of that BS! It’s a free for all.

 

  • As long as your soul is happy, the whole house is happy! No more weird mood cycles or energy shifts!

 

  • You don’t have to be a different person (on best behavior) in front of their family and friends or watch them faking it in front of theirs. True colors fly when you’re single…and that’s something to be celebrated!

 

  • The Hunny-Do List is non-existent and you get to focus on you! If there is a list, it’s all about YOU for a change! After all, you’re the Hunny in this scenario!

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  • No one is asking where you’ve been, why you’re home late, or questioning your morality and their value or worth in the relationship. Sometimes no strings is the best case scenario. You win when you get to do you effortlessly and without reservation.

 

  • There’s no awkward holiday gifts to buy or overthink…or drain your bank account with expectations.

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  • You never have to worry about being tired after making plans to head out. You’re not in the mood and that’s okay. There’s not sh*t anyone is gonna give you about it. And if they do, it’s not detrimental to the relationship because you’re not – together.

 

  • The peace and quiet you were hoping for after a long day at work is right there waiting for you when you get home. Finally… SOLACE!

 

  • You can sleep diagonal on the bed without an elbow in the face. lol! #Truth

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  • No one is there to tell you your dogs/cats can’t sleep in the bed. Fur friends are companions too! 🙂

 

  • If you leave the toilet seat up or hair in the shower no one to bother you about it or tell you how gross you are!

 

  • You can binge watch Netflix without arguing over what show to watch or how long you’ve been able to watch TV without showering….or eating… or paying attention to other people in the room.  If you called into work because you had to watch ‘just one more season’ it’s completely your prerogative.

 

  • If you have kids and you share custody, you finally have a built in baby-sitter (the other parent) to take the kids so you can have a Sunday Funday or do a little day drinking! It’s about time! It’s your turn!

 

  • Friends are willing to set you up on blind dates and if you’re lucky, you either get a great dinner on the house or a beautiful encounter with someone new.

 

  • If you want to eat healthy, no one is there to stop you.healthy food.jpg
  • You never have to worry someone isn’t in the mood for Chinese or whatever weird food fetish you’re into. They can’t judge you! Because they don’t exist! Truthfully, ice cream and a Yuengling qualifies for a decent dinner some nights…and there’s no one to tell you otherwise. Hell yea!

 

  • Something single people are able to do that couples can not is indulge in the fantasy of meeting that imperfectly perfect someone who is brand new. Lets be honest here, sparkly new shiny things excite us. It brings a sense of adventure to your life.

 

  • Being single gives you a reason to go out! No more boring date nights where you fall into routine – including routine sex.

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  • You get a chance to ‘fall’ in love again. Yes! While everyone else is arguing over what to have for dinner and whose turn it is to watch the kids so the other can go out, you and this hopeful someone will be coddling in a corner somewhere smitten to be together. All those feel good endorphins and attention fixes will fill you with a euphoria that has long since passed for those who’ve endured long-standing relationships.

 

  • Learning someone’s sexual taste and habits is one more adventure waiting to happen!

 

  • Staying in PJ’s is an all day event – one worth fighting for. 🙂

 

  • You can travel cross country and experience new things!

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  • No one is spending your money for you with cute faces or suprising needs that were unexpected (and not budgeted for).

 

  • There’s no one to distract you from your distractions so you might have a decent shot at focusing on you and life goals without interruption.

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  • You can cook whatever the hell you want without some weird food allergy or issue of them not being in the mood. Food is served your way, right away, because you’re the king or queen here!

 

  • It doesn’t matter you can’t keep track of time, your meeting ran late, or you stayed to close a deal. No one’s mad at you…It’s just you and your time schedule always!

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  • If you’re recently divorced, you get to claim head-of-household on your taxes! Horray! This may be new for you and a huge tax break. Congrats! You’ve achieved independence … and some taxes.

 

  • For many women, perhaps being single forced you to get a job. That can be a Debbie-downer but, sometimes it’s the push we need to get us moving in the right direction. Celebrate the cause – be it in a mediocre job or in a great position – there’s something to be said for having somewhere to be…other than someone’s beck and call.

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  • You can have male and female friends without jealousy issues and go to strip clubs again. You get to be sexy and own it!

 

  • No one is gonna be mad you had a great time without them!

 

  • Your left overs are still in the fridge.

 

  • There’s still hot water by the time you get in.

 

  • You make your own rules…and break them. And you’re incredibly fine with that.

The best of both worlds!

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Singledom has its perks. So, stay cheery! The right person will love all your imperfections and you’ll love theirs. Until then, celebrate you and laugh over all the fun you can have being unadulteratedly single!  XoXo

– I*V

 

 

 

 

The V-Day ‘No-No’ List

11 Things Not to Do if You’re Single on Valentine’s Day – by Invincible Victoria

On this fateful day where love fills the air leaving lonely hearts feeling more single than ever, people indulge in a plethora of V-Day no-nos. If it’s love single people truly want, they’ve gone about some interesting ways of getting it.
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To fully understand, let’s start with what we do want: Well, for starters the single mom wants Prince Charming to come along, take the kids away, send her to the spa, and to be sexually pampered when she gets home with no expectations of waking up to care for anyone the next morning. (I speak from experience. 🙂 I’d venture to say the same applies for single dads too. Minus Prince Charming add Cinderella of course (unless he swings the other way. What?! It happens! lol : )
Even if no kids are involved, some singles desire a quiet escape into solitude like Henry David Thoreau tucked away in the forest. It helps diminish feeling utterly alone on a day proclaiming everyone should be showered in radiance and love by secret and not-so-secret admirers. But, in our quest to not be left out of the party, the rest of humanity craves one thing – affection. Straight unadulterated genuine affection – no matter what it takes to get it…
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We’ve all done it. In fact, what most of us do on Valentine’s Day is exactly what we shouldn’t do! The older we get, the more we make exceptions to our own rules.
We also lose a little bit of our shyness, normalize things that really aren’t very normal, and seem to follow the lead on thoughts of ‘what should-be’ instead of accepting what is.
Yes, we become a little more savvy in getting what we want when we want it!  It’s only natural our little Id (i.e. instant gratification part of our brain) comes out to play.
To our detriment, we follow through with these ideas even if it’s the worst idea in the history of ever. You know what I’m talking about – texting the ex, falling in love in a strip club, drinking yourself into tears at a bar, or playing 3rd wheel on someone else’s romance while you sit utterly alone.
As a single person I understand. As a Confidence Trainer & Relationship Expert, I would beg you to keep a level head on Valentine’s Day.
heart-headboardRegardless if you’re the dame or the dude, the last thing anyone wants to do is wake up one day in the middle of April to learn there’s a child support payment or belly bump around the corner. Because guess what? Every November baby on the planet was conceived right around – you guessed it – Valentine’s Day!
How do I know? It just so happens both my (most awesome and adorable Sagittarius and Scorpio) children are November babies! Horray! Despite my love for them, having a life plan works out a bit better than the ‘oh! Crap now what?!’
Beyond unplanned pregnancies, waking up next to strangers, or mistaking great friends for potential someones if you go about things the wrong way, you will spend months recovering from the mental anguish and embarrassment if you do any of the following on the list below.
So, if you’re feeling lonely this Valentine’s Day, I recommend steering clear of THE V-LIST (which is close to the D-List; i.e. what not to do after Divorce or being Dumped). It will save you a mess of regret!

THE V-LIST

1. Don’t phone the person you’ve been fantasizing about drunk. Don’t text them provocative messages, let them know your inner fantasies or otherwise send scantily clad body shots on Instagram. In fact, if you think you can’t hold it together long enough for them to like you when you’re sober, then leave your phone under lock and key at home. It’s just not a good idea to spill the beans and profess your unyielding devotion while hammered next to an empty bar stool. Yes, D*ck pics and boobie shots are out. Yes, even on Valentine’s Day.
2. Doesn’t matter who you are, calling your ex for a round 2 of ‘just for fun’ sex is out too. Saying ‘yes’ the rendezvous is equally as limiting and sets up the wrong memories to be created. It’s called a break up cause it’s broken. Don’t go back. It will only rip open wounds of finally healed battle scars. Let it be. Otherwise you will have to endure the trauma of breaking up all over again. So what if the sex was amazing. You will find anrelationship-disasterother someone. Promise.
3. If you want to go out with friends who are the opposite sex, make sure you’re not acting as cock-blockers for one another. I mean that in a loving way. I’m not advocating for sleeping with strangers however, I am saying if you’re with the opposite sex, it will make it more difficult for strangers to assess the situation. After all, they don’t know you’re just friends.
That being said, I challenge you both to talk to as many people as you can both for yourself, and your friend. Play a game. Have fun. See how many phone numbers you can get for one another or for yourselves. Come up with stories about who you are if you really want to be adventurous. Just don’t expect to ever see them again. Because if you do, you will have a lot of explaining to do about your incognito alias!
4. Going out with the guy/gal you were shacking up with last week who is on your Friends With Benefits Plan (FWB) in hopes of meeting your new romance is never a good idea.
Don’t casually ask them out hoping for more. Equally as important, don’t pretend you can ‘hang out’ with them on V-Day while trying to find other love interests.
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NEWSFLASH: If you have ever slept with one another there’s an extreme probability you’re sending out the ‘we’ve already slept together,’ vibe. Trust me. What you think others will never know is innate. Be forewarned. The flip side is FWB is fun…. until you see them flirt with someone else. Jealousy knows no bounds… That’s when real feelings start to show.
5. Don’t text your married boyfriend/girlfriend. Sorry but, sidechicks and sidekicks don’t get holidays. That’s the stuff marriages are made of. So, you may owe it to yourself to have some fun on your own terms and see if Cupid has someone else in store who can savor new memories and holiday moments with you. After all, don’t you deserve real commitment?
6. Do friends count as dates? And what should be expected? I mean, you are just friends
right? Don’t date your platonic friend on Valentine’s Day! It is the worst idea in the history of ever unless you’ve established very clear boundaries you can both stick to. friends
By date I am implying it looks, feels, and could very well be every imagined moment two people who were dating would desire. It’s awkward and weird and leaves someone thinking (or wanting) more than was intended. If you want to go out as a friend-thing, fine. But as for dressing up and playing Pretend-A-Date, it’s very confusing and leads to a mix of feelings – including someone getting hurt.
Just say ‘no’ to romantic dinners and/or sex with your besties. It’s not a good idea. Unless both of you have been secretly crushing on one another. Then, you’re on your own. #ItsComplicated
7. Don’t go out in public only to bash Valentine’s Day. Don’t start in on its commercialism or how it’s just another stupid holiday. If you’re drinking to the point of tears, the only thing you will be hugging by the end of the night is a toilet so, be forewarned. If you’re in a mood – stay your ass at home. Otherwise, enjoy the scenery.
8. Don’t talk about how lonely you are on Facebook. Not on Valentine’s Day, not ever! Yes, Chris. I’m talking to you. It’s pathetic and weird. Wah! Wah! Wah! No one feels sorry for you. You’re just gross! Besides, no one is listening! All the couples are already spending time with one another and the single people are all in their Snuggies wallowing with unlimited episodes on Netflix. I have a better idea, get out of bed and do something different! There’s 6 Billion people in the world. Someone in your area is bound to be single too!
9. Relax. It’s Valentine’s Day. Not the apocalypse. Don’t get obliterated. Be safe. Hang with friends who have your best interest at heart and won’t let you make snap judgments that are uncool. NEVER get in a stranger’s car. Be aware of your surroundings at all times. Lots of crazies out there. Vulnerability leads to a predators. Predators are a creatures of opportunity. Stand your ground. Hold your own. Follow your intuition.
10. Don’t forget about the children in your family. This includes nieces and nephews. Holidays are extremely important to kids too! Make it special for them. Focus energy on making memories with the people who love you when it feels like no one else does. Those are the people who matter most.kid-art
11. Last, and certainly the most important: Be careful who you sleep with! Cupid’s arrow spawns don’t miss often. Those little suckers can swim!
Now that you know what not to do, here’s 31 Strange Things to Do if You’re Single on Valentine’s Day.